For our final presentation, we have adapted three of Shakespeare’s iconic monologues to fit the American bittersweet as follows.
All the world’s a garden,
And all the trees and plants merely players:
They have their hibernations and their spouts;
And one tree in his time plays many parts,
The tree acts being seven ages. At first the seed,
Mewling and puking in the ground.
And then the whining sprout, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the sapling,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then a solid oak,
Full of strange bark and bearded with leaves,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then the fall foliage,
In fair round belly with good capon lined,
With eyes severe and leaves of amber yellow,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the withered winter branches,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side,
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his trunk shrank; and his big leaves gone,
Turning again towards sapling, then sead
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans branches, sans bark, sans leaves, sans everything.
And third, adapted from Hamlet:
To tree, or not to tree, that is the question:
Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of climate change,
Or to take arms against a sea of carbon dioxide
And by opposing oxygenate. To wither—to sleep,
No more; and by a wither to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand burnt trees
That bark is heir to: ‘tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish’d. To wither, to sleep;
To sleep, perchance to bloom—ay, there’s the rub:
For in that sleep of withering what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal soil,
Must give us pause—there’s the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.
For who would bear the winds and suns of time.
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